The Ice Queens

The 2011 Grand Prix Final – when it wasn’t boring us, it was bugging us.

The Men

Javier Fernández gives Ryan a run for his money. Jeremy Abbott: we have high expectations for him. Daisuke Takahashi gets the short end of the stick. Patrick Chan gets no respect.

The Pairs

Kavaguti & Smirnov and Volosozhar & Trankov attend this event. Savchenko & Szolkowy create some suspense.

Ice Dancing

Shibutani & Shibutani still make us squeamish. Péchalat & Bourzat don’t get a link. Virtue & Moir need to go to the cleaners. Davis & White, you know, win.

The Ladies

Elizaveta Tuktamysheva goes green. Alissa Czisny joins the fight club. Alena Leonova breaks all the rules. Our rules, that is. Akiko Suzuki get a new look. Carolina Kostner also gets a new look.

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Here’s what The Producer got for Christmas. Finally, we can have an Ice Queens folder!

Ah, Moscow. Where Evgeni Plushenko always welcomes us with open arms. But, first, let’s look at some of the people who are actually eligible to skate.

The Men

Brandon Mroz needs to work on his formula. Jeremy Abbott never leaves anything on the ice. Except a little blood. Javier Fernández flips out. Yuzuru Hanyu proves 2 + 2 = 1.

The Pairs

Cain & Reagan measure up. Berton & Hotárek look just like us. Kavaguti & Smirnov get closer. Savchenko & Szolkowy just won’t retire.

Ice Dancing

Bobrova & Soloviev get nailed by Tanith. Weaver & Poje forget the wow. Davis & White really feel it.

The Ladies

Mao Asada brings it back. Alena Leonova is on a first name basis with us. Adelina Sotnikova goes gardening. Rachael Flatt stops making sense. Agnes Zawadzki biffs. And Christina Gao gets talked about.

Plus, cats, and the Tudors are no fans of cats.

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2011 NHK Trophy

The Men

Brandon Mroz jumps the shark bite. Ross Miner boldly goes to the tanning booth. Takahiko Kozuka takes us to the symphony. Daisuke Takahashi knows that coffee is for closers.

The Pairs

Denney & Coughlin still need to take a chemistry class. Savchenko & Szolkowy sing us a lullaby. Takahashi & Tran confuse us. Kavaguti & Smirnov remember the 3 S’s of good programs.

Ice Dancing

Kriengkrairut & Gjulietti-Schmitt and Cathy & Chris Reed try to wake us up. Ilinykh & Katsalapov twizzle covertly. Weaver & Poje should edit that last part out. Shibutani & Shibutani keep us in the mood.

The Ladies

Ashley Wagner uses both of her feet, like all swans do. Agnes Zawadzki gets off to a slow start. Alena Leonova breaks Rule #1. Mao Asada delays things a bit. Akiko Suzuki is fun to watch.

2011 Trophée Eric Bompard

The Men

Michal Březina takes things slow. Florent Amodio: Clothes of the Tiger! Song Nan needs a makeover. Patrick Chan riles us up.

The Pairs

Evora & Ladwig can’t go up. Duhamel & Radford bump it up. Bazarova & Larionov actually leave the ice. Volosozhar & Trankov win or something.

Ice Dancing

Cappellini & Lanotte lift where it counts. Péchalat & Bourzat lay it down. Virtue & Moir – what can we say?

The Ladies

Alissa Czisny catches a little of The Czisny. Carolina Kostner forgets to take the camel out for a spin. Elizaveta Tuktamysheva sets off our alarm bells.

And ice shows!

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2011 Skate Canada

The Pairs

Duhamel & Radford remain headache-free. Sui & Han officially grow up. Takahashi & Tran get on our radar. Volosozhar & Trankov leave the crazy at home.

Ice Dancing

Cappellini & Lanotte – leggings, gloves, and pasta. Oh my! Weaver & Poje get a nod. Virtue & Moir are crisp and clean, just like ginger ale.

The Men

Patrick Chan has a nice departure but a shaky landing. Javier Fernández – hot looks, cold spins. Daisuke Takahashi could have done better. Adam Rippon goes retro. Ross Miner helps us count some sheep.

The Ladies

Mirai Nagasu forgets the spark plugs. Ashley Wagner, wake us up before you go-go. Akiko Suzuki puts some joy on the ice. Rachel Flatt joins the WITH Club. Elizaveta Tuktamysheva reminds Tara Lipinski of someone.

2011 Cup of China

Ice Dancing

Carron & Jones really leave an impression. Shibutani & Shibutani still creep us out, a little. Bobrova & Soloviev are a perfect example… of what we don’t want to see.

The Ladies

Mirai Nagasu still lets Frank choose her music.
Carolina Kostner gets three exclamation points! Adelina Sotnikova wears a dress that literally turns us away.

The Pairs

Evora & Ladwig keep up the level of excitement we’ve come to expect. Moore-Towers & Moscovitch inspire us… to rage. Zhang & Zhang make us do cartwheels. Kavaguti & Smirnov turn up the heat halfway.

The Men

Jeremy Abbott is back. Nobunari Oda skates a long, long time. Song Nan jumps a bit. Yuzuru Hanyu has two strikes, then gets a hit. Artur Gachinski only comes out at night.

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This show marks a milestone for The Ice Queens – it’s the first time our audience is larger than the audience at the actual event! Thanks, everybody, for not going to Skate America and instead staying home to listen to us!

Plus, it’s the start of our 5th season. This episode will be a little tipsy from all the champagne. SO LET’S GET IT STARTED.

The Men

Kevin van der Perren almost shuts down our show. Takahiko Kozuka does the Yankee Candle melt down. The wonderful thing about Florent Amodio is he’s the only one. Richard Dornbush both roots AND toots. Michal Březina is an Eliot Mess.

Every night is all right for fighting.

Ice Dancing

Meryl Davis & Charlie White flunk chemistry 101. Nathalie Péchalat & Fabian Bourzat put the Charmin in charming. Isabella Tobias & Deividas Stagniūnas put a quarter in the juke box.

The Pairs

Caydee Denney & John Coughlin switch their partners dosey doe. Tiffany Vise & Don Baldwin give us a scare. Mary Beth Marley & Rockne Brubaker go all Mission:Impossible and self-destruct. Zhang Dan & Zhang Hao just can’t retire. Kirsten Moore-Towers & Dylan Moscovitch can’t let Henry V be. Vera Bazarova / Yuri Larionov spend 4 and a half minutes together. Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy, sadly, can’t be beat.

The Ladies

Caroline Zhang grows up and breaks some hearts. Joelle Forte has her quarter-century debut. Viktoria Helgesson snags Sweden’s first podium. Haruka Imai picks nice music. Halloween comes early for Valentina Marchei. Carolina Kostner might – WHAT? – take it all this season. Elene Gedevanishvili spits fire. Ksenia Makarova scares us. And Alissa Czisny hangs in there.

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Is there a better way to start your day than with the Ice Queens? Of course not. Look at this guy!

You, too, can experience the magic of Liz and Tori right in the comfort of your own home simply by buying some stuff from our store. It’s true. Start living the dream today!

NBC decided to show this event on their B network, using their B teams of commentators, and shooting all the interviews with a Flip cam. Well, that’s understandable; it’s not like it was THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS OR ANYTHING. At least, WE’RE going with our A team. Liz and Tori give this event the respect it deserves. They also pity the fool who put Alena Leonova in this:

Alena Leonva

Featuring Richard Dornbush, Ross Miner, Ryan Bradley, Takahiko Kozuka, Michal Březina, Patrick Chan, Nobunari Oda, Florent Amodio, Brian Joubert, and Artur Gachinski, aka Evgeni 2.0.

The Pairs

Featuring Meagan Duhamel & Eric Radford, Caitlin Yankowskas & John Coughlin, Amanda Evora & Mark Ladwig, Pang Qing & Tong Jian, Tatiana Volosozhar & Maxim Trankov, Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy, and Yuko Kavaguti & Alexander Smirnov.

The Women

Featuring Rachael Flatt, Alissa Czisny, Alena Leonova, Carolina Kostner, Miki Ando, Yuna Kim, and Mao Asada.

The Dance

Maia Shibutani & Alex Shibutani, Tessa Virtue & Scott Moir, Meryl Davis & Charlie White, Nathalie Péchalat & Fabian Bourzat, Madison Chock & Greg Zuerlein, and Elena Ilinykh & Nikita Katsalapov.

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The Nationals – that exciting time when, for once, we know which anthem they’ll be playing during the medal ceremony. Let’s get to the lineup.

Pairs
Inoue & Baldwin stay in their love nest. Mary Beth Marley & Rockne Brubaker take a little trip together. Caydee Denney & Jeremy Barrett make up and step out. Amanda Evora & Mark Ladwig engage the competition. Caitlin Yankowskas & John Coughlin win it.

Ice Dance
Meryl Davis & Charlie White take a cue from Evan. Maia Shibutani & Alex Shibutani gross Tori out. The Matchup of the Madisons! Madison Chock & Greg Zuerlein give Tori the creeps and Madison Hubbell & Keiffer Hubbell get their Weir on.

Ladies
Caroline Zhang finds the pearl. Ashley Wagner comes up short in the short. Christina Gao gets up close and personal with NBC. Bob the Mailman picks Agnes Zawadzki. Mirai Nagasu pushes Frank Carroll’s buttons. Rachael Flatt flails. Alissa Czisny does a bear of an interview.

Men
Keegan Messing makes us very angry. Brandon Mroz, he was there, right? Armin Mahbanoozadeh is all right. Adam Rippon doesn’t get the coverage we need. Jeremy Abbott forgets to be a champion. Ross Miner will always have Paris. Richard Dornbush skates an elementary program. Ryan Bradley, our boyfriend. Evan Lysacek loves his applesauce!

Plus, Sarah Meier, Carolina Kostner, Kiira Korpi, Florent Amodio, Nathalie Péchalat & Fabian Bourzat, and Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy show us the economy isn’t the only thing that’s weak in Europe.

The good bit is at 6:37.

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Remember when we said, “See you in October”? Well, here it is October 91st, and WE’RE BACK!

Liz and Tori kick off The Ice Queens’ 4th season with thoughtful, reasoned looks at:

Meryl Davis & Charlie White, Vanessa Crone & Paul Poirier, Nathalie Péchalat & Fabian Bourzat, Kanako Murakami, Rachael Flatt, Carolina Kostner, Alissa Czisny, Caroline Zhang, Mirai Nagasu, Miki Ando, Mao Asada, Yuna Kim, Fumie Suguri, Adam Rippon, Daisuke Takahashi, Takahiko Kozuka, Tomas Verner, Patrick Chan, Nobunari Oda, Kevin van der Perren, Florent Amodio, Jeremy Abbott, Brian Joubert, Evgeni Plushenko, Pang Qing & Tong Jian, Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy, Sui Wenjing & Han Cong, Rockne Brubaker, Keauna McLaughlin, and, of course, Rena Inoue and John Baldwin.

X-ray goggles really work!

The Pink Panther

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