The 2012 World Figure Skating Championships… Finally

This event was so depressing, we didn’t feel like posting the show. The next thing you know, it’s the 4th of July – the holiday where everyone cleans out old audio files from their computer. So, here it is!

Pairs

Denney & Coughlin really confuse us. Marley and Brubaker get a shout out. Takahashi & Tran represent. Volosozhar & Trankov pump it up. Savchenko & Szolkowy win by a nose.

Ice Dancing

Shibutani & Shibutani stand and don’t deliver. We call Hubbell & Donohue “School on Saturday.” Péchalat & Bourzat’s costumes are as stinky as, well, a mummy. Davis & White aren’t on the level. Virtue & Moir stumble their way to first place.

The Men

Artur Gachinski finally makes us happy. Adam Rippon jumps in the air like he just doesn’t care. Jeremy Abbott is off like bad milk. Brian Joubert rinses and repeats. Yuzuru Hanyu noodles around. Daisuke Takahashi gets robbed. Patrick Chan can, literally, do no wrong.

The Ladies

Alissa Czisny brings us to tears. Ashley Wagner knocks out the lights. Akiko Suzuki keeps us happy. Alena Leonova still bugs. Carolina Kostner makes our predictions come true. Unfortunately.

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