The Ice Queens

From the Europa Pizzaria in Spokane, Washington!

Denney & Barrett and Evora & Ladwig go to The Show. Inoue & Baldwin and McLaughlin & Brubaker don’t. Jeremy Abbott, Johnny Weir, and Ryan Bradley win us over. Evan Lysacek doesn’t.

As always, we’ve taken steps to protect the identities of the Ice Queens.

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In preparation for our trip to the Nationals, the 2010 U.S. Figure Skating Championships emailed us this “Championship Checklist – Everything You Need To Know To Maximize the FUN FACTOR”

For example, “The first 3,000 All Event or Weekend Package ticket holders to request them will receive a complimentary plastic ticket pouch when they visit one of our Souvenir Program kiosks at either the Arena or FanFest and show their commemorative ticket booklet.”

Consider us maximized!!!

See you in Spokane.

Running late. No time for jokes. Must post.

Cast of characters:

Evan Lysacek (and Frank Carroll,) Nobunari Oda, Johnny Weir, Jeremy Abbott (and Yuka Sato,) Daisuke Takahashi (and Jenny Kirk,) Kim Yu-Na, Miki Ando, Akiko Suzuki,  Ashley Wagner (who follows us onTwitter,) Joannie Rochette, Alena Leonova, Shen Xue and Zhao Hongbo, Pang Qing and Tong Jian, Aliona Savchenko and Robin Szolkowy, Meryl Davis and Charlie White, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, Tanith Belbin and Benjamin Agosto, and, of course, Dick Button.

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Scott Hamilton phones it in. Patrick Chan drops the first pancake. Michal Brezina just jumps. Alban Préaubert wins… worst outfit. Denis Ten — Mall Skater! The Japanese Joker, Daisuke Takahashi. Jeremy Abbott stops oinking.  Evan Lysacek skates TODAY.

Akiko Suzuki is a jet all the way. Caroline Zhang has a nice outfit! Laura Lepistö looks good; she just can’t skate. Mirai Nagasu takes Frank’s advice. Alissa Czisny could be a star. Don’t get Joannie Rochette angry. Maria Mukhortova and Maxim Trankov drop trou. Aliona Savchenko and Robin Szolkowy have a long program in Africa. Caydee Denney and Jeremy Barrett stand up.

Tanith Belbin not skating

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Elene Gedevanishvili not skating.

Ryan Bradley pulls a Hamilton. Shawn Sawyer is in no Rush. Florent Amodio clowns around. Evan Lysacek wins by a feather. Elene Gedevanishvili develops. Emily Hughes fills in for Sasha. Elena Glebova – Estonia’s premiere skater. Fumie Suguri is 28 and so is Júlia Sebestyén — which one will go to Vancouver?! Rachael Flatt goes long. Kim Yu-Na gets shaken, not stirred. Amanda Evora and Mark Ladwig try to pick up a spare. Zhang Dan and Zhang Hao stand and deliver, sort of. Meagan Duhamel and Craig Buntin keep a bad streak going. Shen Xue and Zhao Hongbo run in front. Tatiana Volosozhar and Stanislav Morozov set a new standard. Nothing rhymes with Keauna McLaughlin and Rockne Brubaker. And Ice Castles gets remade — HOW DARE THEY!

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Calling it before it happens… The Ice Queens are prognosticators!!

I see in this article that Emily Hughes placed second in a regional competition. Second?! She can’t even win a freakin’ regional!! Holy hell, the US ladies are screwed. Only chance we have of winning a medal at the Olympics is if the Swine Flu hits Asia hard.

Brian Joubert bugs. Johnny Weir bugs. Michal Březina bugs. Daisuke Takahashi bugs. Jeremy Abbott bugs slightly less than last year. Adam Rippon bugs. Miki Ando bores. Alena Leonova bores. Ashley Wagner zones out. Rena Inoue and John Baldwin ARE STILL SKATING. Meryl Davis and Charlie White just may have what it takes.

Plus, Liz and Tori rub their crystal balls and predict the future!

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Evgeni Plushenko gives us the finger. Johnny Weir gets his wings clipped. Brandon Mroz ruffles some feathers. Artem Borodulin celebrates Halloween early. Takahiko Kozuka hits the snooze button.

Mao Asada loses the combination. Ashley Wagner is in it to win it. Alena Leonova medals the Chicago way. Miki Ando needs some spark. Alissa Czisny should just stand up. Júlia Sebestyén – the modern day Sonja Henie?

Qing and Jian contend. Kavaguti and Smirnov are #2 everywhere. McLaughlin and Brubaker need to phone a friend. And Davis and White get Webber grilled.

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We’re back for our third season, and this one’s got THE OLYMPICS IN IT! But first, we’ve got to get through all those pesky Grand Prix events, like the 2009 Trophée Eric Bompard.

Supposedly, a lot of people are coming out of retirement, but none of them showed up in Paris. Even Kimmie Meissner, who’s not retired, didn’t go. But here’s who did and what they did…

Brian Joubert’s hat trick. Yannick Ponsero takes off the gloves. Sergei Voronov belts one out. The Hair of Adam Rippon. Nobunari Oda (little) tramps it up. Caroline Zhang cracks some nuts. Alexe Gilles roughs it. Mao Asada chokes. Yukari Nakano pants through her program. The Unbeatable Queen, Kim Yu-Na. Tessa Virtue & Scott Moir are not a little bit country. Maria Mukhortova & Maxim Trankov learn that love means never having to say… anything to each other. The fall(ing) colors of Aliona Savchenko & Robin Szolkowy. Jessica Dubé & Bryce Davison: The Way We Snooze. And Rena Inoue & John Baldwin still haven’t retired. Plus, a little shout-out to Jenny Kirk.

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Live from Los Angeles!

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