Some Calm Thoughts on Tonya Harding from Tori

This never gets old.  The girl really could skate.  Her speed and power is amazing, and the opening lutz. HUGE.  Dick can barely contain himself throughout the entire skate. For one shining moment in ’91 she brought it and stuck it to the USFSA all the while skating to Wild Thing.  And look at Kristi’s face when the camera pans to her afterwards.  Bitch is trying to hold it together knowing full well that the chain smoking, beer guzzling asthmatic girl from the trailer park just ripped the gold medal from around her neck. And that’s called kicking your ass!

2013 World Figure Skating Championships

Nelli Zhiganshina and Alexander Gazsi Free Dance

Recorded March 23, 2013 – you know, when NBC got around to showing it. Posted April 4, 2013 – you know, when we got around to editing it. Here’s the lineup:

Terry Gannon and Scott Hamilton phone it in. Because it’s expensive to send two guys to Canada.

The Men

We experience runaway Chanflation. Denis Ten “comes out of nowhere.” Javier Fernández takes it slow. Max Aaron back loads. Ross Miner doesn’t quite come through. Kevin Reynolds “scores” a hat trick. Daisuke Takahashi breaks it down. Brian Joubert eats dinner at 4:30. Florent Amodio goes for a spin.

Pairs

Volosozhar and Trankov run in front and trip. Savchenko and Szolkowy can’t catch a break. Duhamel and Radford lutz the envelope. Scimeca and Knierim do the job.

Ice Dance

Davis and White and Virtue and Moir keep duking it out. Shibutani and Shibutani keep creeping. Bobrova and Soloviev prepare us for the Olympics.

Ladies

Kim Yuna cleans the ice. Carolina Kostner gets her season’s best. Mao Asada goes for the triple axle. Ashley Wagner and Gracie Gold do their jobs. Akiko Suzuki and Alena Leonova struggle.

And we’re still pulling for Jeremy Abbott.

2013 United States Figure Skating Championships

We watched the 2013 United States Figure Skating Championships on the National Broadcasting Company. Who knew they even covered skating anymore?

Pairs
The competition turns into a game of Where’s Denney and Couglin and Rockne and Parnter X? Castelli and Shnapir, Zhang and Bartholomay, and Scimeca and Knierim skate inbetween stretching sessions.

Dance
Davis and White start connecting. The Shibutanis and Hubbell and Donohue get robbed. Chock and Bates do the robbing. Kriengkrairut and Giulietti-Schmitt stump us.

NBC
NBC brings over Mike ‘Doc’ Emrick from NHL coverage because, you know, both sports use skates. Did the Peacock lose Terry Gannon’s phone number?

Ladies
Gracie Gold makes a comeback. Ashley Wagner falls to the top. Agnes Zawadzki slows it down. Courtney Hicks brings back some memories. Christina Gao flails and tangos. Mirai Nagasu under-rotates. Tori misses The Pearl and so does Caroline Zhang.

Men
Jeremy Abbott makes us cry again. Adam Rippon leaves the Blue Lagoon. Evan couldn’t make it, so Jonathan Cassar steps in. Jason Brown needs to get in a new Outfit. Ross Miner has a quad or whatever. Max Aaron revs up the backloader. Keegan Messing, Brandon Mroz, Stephen Carriere, and Armin Mahbanoozadeh all surprise us… by simply being there. Richard Dornbush has us reaching for the remote. Joshua Farris joins the seniors.

The 2013 European Figure Skating Championships were held at the same time, with a mixed bag of results.

Javier Fernández won! Carolina Kostner won. Volosozhar & Trankov still stump us. And Bobrova & Soloviev keep giving us headaches.

2012 ISU Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final

This season has been so inspirational! For instance, we’ve been inspired to go shopping, see movies, wander the streets aimlessly, anything to not watch figure skating. But some events are just too important to ignore, unfortunately, like the 2012–2013 Grand Prix Final. So, we’re back, with our 6th season premiere episode. We’re taking the gloves off for this one, and we wish Yuzuru Hanyu would, too.

The Men

Daisuke Takahashi bugs us less! Yuzuru Hanyu dresses inappropriately. Patrick Chan doubles his way to the podium. Javier Fernández has “the complete package.”

The Ladies

Mao Asada puts the triple axel in a shoebox and shoves it under her bed. Ashley Wagner also bugs us less! Akiko Suzuki brings the joy. Kiira Korpi catches the Czisny. Elizaveta Tuktamysheva stumps The Gannon. Christina Gao qualifies.

Pairs

Volosozhar & Trankov will probably keep winning. Bazarova & Larionov keep the Russian dreams alive. Pang & Tong are on the 100-year plan.

Ice Dancing

Davis & White get pushed. Virtue & Moir don’t meet NBC’s requirements for televising.

Looking Ahead

Jeremy Abbott needs to clean up. Ross Miner hangs in there. Adam Rippon gets no coversage. Johnny Weir drops his poker face. Evan Lysacek stays in the shadows. Gracie Gold trains nearby. Agnes Zawadzki and Mirai Nagasu compete. Rachael Flatt needs more schooling. Denney & Coughlin stay together. Hubbell & Donohue get a mention. And the Shibutanis still creep us out a little.

The 2012 World Figure Skating Championships… Finally

This event was so depressing, we didn’t feel like posting the show. The next thing you know, it’s the 4th of July – the holiday where everyone cleans out old audio files from their computer. So, here it is!

Pairs

Denney & Coughlin really confuse us. Marley and Brubaker get a shout out. Takahashi & Tran represent. Volosozhar & Trankov pump it up. Savchenko & Szolkowy win by a nose.

Ice Dancing

Shibutani & Shibutani stand and don’t deliver. We call Hubbell & Donohue “School on Saturday.” Péchalat & Bourzat’s costumes are as stinky as, well, a mummy. Davis & White aren’t on the level. Virtue & Moir stumble their way to first place.

The Men

Artur Gachinski finally makes us happy. Adam Rippon jumps in the air like he just doesn’t care. Jeremy Abbott is off like bad milk. Brian Joubert rinses and repeats. Yuzuru Hanyu noodles around. Daisuke Takahashi gets robbed. Patrick Chan can, literally, do no wrong.

The Ladies

Alissa Czisny brings us to tears. Ashley Wagner knocks out the lights. Akiko Suzuki keeps us happy. Alena Leonova still bugs. Carolina Kostner makes our predictions come true. Unfortunately.

“Very disturbing news…”

Just saw some very disturbing news on Aunt Joyce’s site. Vocal music will be allowed in all skating disciplines beginning with the 2014-2015 season!

Ugh!

As if Sochi wasn’t going to be bad enough with the possibility of a Evgeny sighting, now we have to sit through even more crappy music. The Producer better put in an order for some heavy duty buckets, because we’re going to need them!

– Tori

The 2012 United States Figure Skating Championships – Part 2

IQ breakfast

Breakfast with The Ice Queens

Reporting and recording from the U.S. Nationals in San Jose, California. Sure, the Ice Network may have Johnny Weir, but you’ve got us!

First up:

The Pairs

Featuring Cain and Reagan, Castelli and Shnapir, Donlan and Speroff, Evora and Ladwig, Marley and Brubaker, and the Frankenteam – Denney and Coughlin.

Followed by:

The Men

Featuring Richard Dornbush, Brandon Mroz, Scott Dyer, Jason Brown, Max Aaron, Keegan Messing, Stephen Carriere, Douglas Razzano, Armin Mahbanoozadeh, Ross Miner, Adam Rippon, and Jeremy Abbott.

Liz and Jason Brown

Plus, celebrity sightings!

And with that, we bid a fond farewell to beautiful San Jose. But we don’t leave alone. We have with us new friends, new memories, and, most importantly, new cocktail recipes. Thanks, Nationals!

The 2012 United States Figure Skating Championships – Part 1

The Ice Queens recording session

The Ice Queens preparing to podcast

We’re at the U.S. Nationals in San Jose, California, and we’ve got the bar tabs to prove it. If we’re a little hard to hear, it’s because we’re podcasting from the McCormick & Schmick’s across from the Fairmont Hotel, and we’re not going to let a little thing like room noise get in the way of us getting our drinks. But enough about us. Let’s talk about some American skaters!

First up:

The Men

We missed the Men’s short competition because we decided to see Shame instead. We have our priorities. Plus, we had to deal with the bad news about Evgeni Plushenko and Artur Gachinski.

Next:

Ice Dancing

Featuring Cannuscio and McManus, Chock and Bates, Kriengkrairut and Giulietti-Schmitt, Hubbell and Donohue, Shibutani and Shibutani, and Davis and White.

Then:

The Ice Queens take flight

Liz and Tori prepare for the Ladies

Followed by:

The Ice Queens at the rink

Liz and Tori actually watch some figure skating

The Ladies

Featuring Vanessa Lam, Angela Wang, Mirai Nagasu, Rachael Flatt, Christina Gao, Caroline Zhang, Agnes Zawadzki, Alissa Czisny, and Ashley Wagner.

Part 2 coming soon!

2011 Grand Prix Final

The 2011 Grand Prix Final – when it wasn’t boring us, it was bugging us.

The Men

Javier Fernández gives Ryan a run for his money. Jeremy Abbott: we have high expectations for him. Daisuke Takahashi gets the short end of the stick. Patrick Chan gets no respect.

The Pairs

Kavaguti & Smirnov and Volosozhar & Trankov attend this event. Savchenko & Szolkowy create some suspense.

Ice Dancing

Shibutani & Shibutani still make us squeamish. Péchalat & Bourzat don’t get a link. Virtue & Moir need to go to the cleaners. Davis & White, you know, win.

The Ladies

Elizaveta Tuktamysheva goes green. Alissa Czisny joins the fight club. Alena Leonova breaks all the rules. Our rules, that is. Akiko Suzuki get a new look. Carolina Kostner also gets a new look.